One of the most common things I hear from clients is that they have too much on their plate, or rather things they don’t even want to have on their plate. This stands in the way of having time and energy to do what they really want. This quite literally happened to me recently, and it got me thinking about the impacts it has.

I was recently with an old friend and former co-worker I hadn’t seen in several years, and was looking forward to catching up with him over lunch, with little or no distractions. Because I maintain a plant-based diet as much as possible, we met at a nearby restaurant where I was already familiar with some vegan menu options. After we ordered our entrees, and were in the midst of conversation, the waiter suddenly brought out complementary appetizers and salad (with dressing already added). I had not expected this. I knew that they were at least vegetarian, but still had significant amounts of egg and dairy in them, which bothered me a little. But rather than following my immediate instinct and politely asking the waiter to take them back, I decided to go ahead and eat them rather than let the food go to waste. I also didn’t want to put my friend in the position of eating in front of me while I was eating nothing – even though it wasn’t at all my fault that the waiter had served us without inquiring further about any dietary preferences/needs.

And then irony walked in and sat down at our table. After I took a bite or two, I noticed my friend had cut open his egg roll, looked inside, and realized he couldn’t eat it – only for different reasons. And he didn’t want to waste his either. “I don’t do well with corn. Would you like to eat mine, too?”

By acting out of integrity and accepting something I didn’t want in the first place, I didn’t help either of us. If I had simply given the plate back to the waiter, then neither my friend nor I would have been eating in front of the other. Furthermore, because I was slightly annoyed by the situation, it decreased some of the energy and attention that otherwise would have been devoted to our interaction – it pulled me out of the “now” slightly, as acting out of integrity has a sneaky way of doing. That wasn’t doing my friend a favor either.

And I probably missed out on an opportunity to help others as well. Had we both declined the dishes, the waiter may have learned to be more careful to ask customers about their preferences and needs in the future. Now, that won’t occur until the next time I visit that restaurant.

A few days later, I received a request regarding an opportunity that would have taken a significant amount of time out of my schedule. While it interested me, and I have the utmost respect for the person making the request, I knew that there were higher priority items on my agenda – such as coaching. In that case, saying “No” enabled me to maintain the space and energy to pursue activities important to me.

When is the last time you acted out of integrity by saying “Yes” to something you didn’t really want?

Were you really doing anyone a favor?

What do you commit to doing differently next time, and what benefits will your new approach likely have?